I didn't want to say it early, since it's not official at this point, but...

I will be dropping out of grad school.

The reason is, you saw the last journal, right? How my GPA was in serious danger? Well, it seems it would be IMPOSSIBLE to raise that GPA sufficiently without risking Probation/Dismissal and if it does succeed, I'd be paying back tons of loan money. So, I will be ceasing the grad program until I can perhaps save enough money on my own with my own job(s), if I can get them and keep them. It feels bad though, that college is kinda like a home to me and I still can't get a job on campus. And I can't go through with it right now until we discuss some things with the staff and my mom (who is currently incapacitated after her...operation (it wasn't a surgery but saying what it is would be TMI)).

So I guess that means I may have more time to do things that studying prevented me from doing. Which includes...starting a relationship. A lot of my friends have boyfriends already, and it's not that I feel pressured or anything, don't take it like that. How I see it, my dad is getting old and may not have that much time left to live. He'll be 85 this June, and has had Prostate Cancer which may come back, as well as having Parkinson's disease. So I guess that cut a few years off his lifespan, but it's a miracle he lived this long. However, he has said it would be nice to see me have a relationship, which would hopefully turn into a marriage and if I could even have a baby before he dies.... But I also feel the need to since I will have time. The reason I was hoping for an LDR is because...I don't go out much, so I don't have much time to socialize. I was also advised against dating co-workers (Truth in Television there) and a lot of the guys I meet where I live are either too old or turn me off. And I kinda consider myself a questioning gray-ace, but I do want to experience a romantic relationship at least once.

Other than that, I would like to get a job as aforementioned, and maybe pass my driver's test and other things, but I think I may take a bit of a break from the internet I guess. And I'm still a bit sentimental and have other issues backed up that hopefully my counselor will get to soon.

But most of all, I feel I have let most of you down since you all know me as a hardworking person and it feels like I'm taking the coward's route and quitting. It's not that, honest. I will most likely hopefully return to the graduate program eventually, even though there may be complications in rejoining, I'll take my chances.